I have failed miserably in this blogging attempt. This post specifically is per someone special's request. I will take the most recent funny stories and put them here for others to have eternal access and to make sure that I will remember them one day. So here goes.
Story 1:
So scene is this. My family owns a cabin in the mountains of Colorado and we take a trip there yearly just to be away us girls. SO this particular year we take my 16 year old brother and his friend. We had just turned 21 so this was our break out job of drinking at the cabin and we had the plan to make it magical. We stocked up in the nearest town and headed to seclusion. Well the first night we drink very little but the second night we really got into the swing of things. We played movie line drinking with a classic movie. Every time they cussed in pulp fiction we did a shot. Well by the end of the night I am barely standing cause my friends all slowed down and I am never one to be out drank. My brother gets to talking about the neighbors up the hill from us and how their dogs bark and they shoot off guns and the guns scare him. Well I am his big sister and this just can not happen in my mind. So I devise a drunken plan. I find a walking stick that my grandparents has bought at god knows where and a lighter. This is already sending up red flags in your heads right. Well I attempt to light this walking stick on fire so I can go up the hill with a flaming stick to the house where they have guns. So my friends are laughing at my drunk ass at this point because they think this is the most hilarious scene ever. To walk up to this house and knock on the door with a stick that was once on fire that will be put out by the rain and the owner has guns. Ridiculous. Well the stick wouldn’t light, but in the lighting of the stick process I declare, “look at this shit, I’m effing Merlin.” Well now my friends are dying and they put me outside in the rain to guarantee that the stick won’t ever light. I get outside and get frustrated with my damn stick and am now hot again. Well my brother is inside and drinking very little. And now I am outside in the rain and hot. Well I do what drunken Mallory always does. I strip and run around in the rain screaming, “I am effing Merlin, don’t mess with me”. MY friends look outside and notice this spectacle and one of them takes my brother away from the window while the other one brings me a towel and they are practically in stitches laughing so hard. I eventually make it back inside declare that Merlin needs a drink and fall asleep on the table. Literally on the table in a towel and my brother wakes me up and says go get clothes on and stop scaring the bears. I eventually made it to a bed and thought I was gonna die the next day. It was classic younger Mallory.
Story 2:
This story comes from more recent times. I usually sleep with all undergarments and appropriate clothing while I am on the rig. Well some nights where I don't think I will be waking up, I will sleep in a wife beater and no bra. This night happened to be cold, and I woke up to look at something. I thought I would just throw a sweatshirt on over my wife beater on the way down the hallway and nobody would know the difference. So here I am hands in the air, on a cold night, with no bra on walking down the hall expecting no one to be there. As I pull my head through the sweatshirt then and only then do I noticed the roughneck sitting there in my trailer smiling at me. He says something to the effect of I should hang out in here more often it is very entertaining. This is bad enough without further incident. Then a few days later I am up in the doghouse and the same roughneck comes in and starts to pull his coveralls. Well next thing I know he is unbuckling his belt and I clear my throat to see if he will stop and he says don't worry I won't strip all the way as he is now standing in his boxers. So now I am uncomfortable and of course my reaction is to say I have some dollar bills in my back pocket. Stupid, stupid me. Well he then started to pull his boxers down or at least act like he was going to anyway, and says to me well I owe you a free show for the one you gave me. Now I am so embarassed that I run away.
These stories are now here forever just for you, JB. I felt these were the best and least inappropriate ones for now. It's so funny to me how fast time pasees. It doesn't feel like it has been over a year since I have started working for the devil, and now here I still sit doing the same thing. I will try to update this more often for my one loyal folower, but for now I am worn out.
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